The Southern tea and Warm breezes, Of Summer’11
Those 3 month were the best.
It started in pain. My dad(whom I just met) started drinking and moved back in with Catie. Also, my best friend came back to Jersey from PR. Between the fighting and the laughs, I found Him.
There was something about him. Making me feel comfortable. Making me feel attractive. Making me feel like I was his, and he was mine. Coming to were I was, and taking away the feeling of being here(in this world). He was Never truly mine, but he made me feel like he was. He was the first person who truly made me feel love. And if that wasn’t love, it was the next best thing. We didnt have sex, or fuck. We actually made Love. From what he says, it was a fling. For me, I fell in love, real love. Love that I’m not sure if I can feel again. Nothing has ever came close.(I could go on forever)
That summer I would listen to my friend play guitar, and watch Him ride his bike. I was all so amazing. Like all great, wonderful, and magical things, it fell bitterly.He soon found another, better lover. Since I wanted to be official, he ran away from me. After a month and a half(after the beginning of school) we started talking again. It wasnt the same.
That was the first time I felt real heart break. It will never be the same. We can never get that summer back. Even If we try. I cant let it go, but I have moved on.
A Thought, a Wish, And a War.
I wish I could wear pink, and pearl. I wish I was graceful, and delicate. I wish I wore dresses, and smelled nice. I wish I didn’t sweat. I wish I was cute and peppy. I wish I didnt bitch, or cuss. I wish I was more of a girl.
Instead,
I have to act as if I am a man. When I act girly, people stare. They make smart remarks. Who am I trying to fool? I am tied to how people believe a bisexual girl should be. I should like sports and cut my hair off. I shouldn’t like flowers and butterflies.
Why, why cant I act more girly. Why cant I just be more girly. I love who I love, even if I wear a skirt.
